005. [Text]

[twinsanity]

[You know, this is really the sort of thing that most would want to leave anonymous...but since Alfred has surveyed the available fucks he has to give and found them numbering entirely too many, he seems to have thrown them out in the window in favor of just being an abrasive idiot because he is the pride of the Ashford family like that.]

Well, since you all like text, I thought I would join you all because I was starting to feel a little left out. And we certainly can't have that, now, can we?

So we've had people trying to get the resident Hero Squad moving, people trying to poke the resident Villain Squad into doing...something and somesuch, I really have no idea what's going on there...

Do any of you people actually do things, or do you just kind of poke at each other? Some explosions here, shameless grandstanding there, assaulting a theatre and tying up women over there (though that last one isn't so much a crime as it is too much information about you people, I think)...

Are you going to actually get some sort of full-scale battling going on, or are you content to just tap at each other a bit? Really, at this rate I propose the formation of the Disinterested But Somewhat Amused Third Party in the name of messing with you both.

[...ALFRED...]

Comments

[text]

[beholdmydemons]

Go start a fight if you're that bored.

[text]

[twinsanity]

Go soak your head if you don't have any relevant thoughts.

[text]

[beholdmydemons]

I know you're only sniping but the weather really isn't bad for that. [hmm] I mean it, though. If there's not enough of a battle going on, walk outside and wave at someone. They'll fight you. You hardly need team rocket and the others waving their fingers around for that.

1/2

[twinsanity]

It's less that I want a fight and more that I'm getting sick offfffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffff

[twinsanity]

[...and a few seconds later]

hold on there are bees

[Because apparently, there are bees.]

switch to voice

[beholdmydemons]

[I...okay. What?]

Why are there bees.

[Wait. Bees?]

-They hate smoke, right? [USE FIRE]

...good idea for once in your miserable life

[twinsanity]

[...you know...]

I don't know why there are bees! This woman just felt the need to -

[Hang on.]

Have you tried setting them on fire?!

[...okay right hello there]

Apparently some woman, a comatose person and their pets felt the need to make a bunch of bees upset, I'm not asking too many questions right at this exact moment!

screw your post format i do what i want

[nostabbing]

[And assuredly all of that time Alfred spent carefully crafting his sassy and disdainful rhetoric warrants notice and recognition, but alas, it will not be coming from Parker today, as she is currently preoccupied with RUNNING THE FUCK PAST HIM, hauling a mass of white-fabric'd something on her back with a mess of twenty-nine Eevee and -lutions swarming hot on her heels.]

BEEEEEEEES!

[There is no time for further inquiry; she's not stopping to answer questions. There is no stopping. There is only running.

Far off in the distance, a menacing hum begins to fill the air.]

hahahahahaha oh my fucking god

[twinsanity]

[Well, Alfred is in the middle of crafting an equally sassy and disdainful response to this idiot who felt the need to open his damn mouth when he is quite suddenly bolted past by a-

...what...was that? Other than certainly a...]

What...?

[...yeahno wow hang on that just properly sank in and FUCK

look let's just say that Alfred is basically from zombie central and his family specializes in very large, very mutated and very angry insects

if someone bolts past you shrieking about some sort of fucking swarm you don't stop to question

you bolt as well

and when Alfred doesn't have his guns he is very skilled in the ancient art of FUCKFUCKFUCK GOTTA GO FAST running let me tell you

hello there fellow blonde person

he has one question for you

we can get filled in while we run is this okay with everyone]

What did you do?!

je ne regrette rien

[nostabbing]

[LESS TALKING MORE SPRINTING COME ON EEVEELUTIONS, WE GOT BEES oh hey that guy's keeping up, he must work out. :|a]

THE SNEEZY ONE HAS ALLERGIES AND IT ZAPPED A NEST.

[Because that is totally what happened.]

as well you shouldn't

[twinsanity]

[Okay, look, this is going to be done to a backdrop of Walter yammering at them apparently and a few pauses in which Alfred feels this need to yell back at him, but - ]

Well, have you tried setting them on fire?!

[nostabbing]

[...Now there's an idea. She does like setting things on fire...though admittedly she's never tried it with attacking killer bees.

First time for everything?]

Hey! Hup-hups! Yeah, you! Foofy and other Foofy! ABOUT-FACE!

[She yells, as the expressions of the Flareons in the horde do a fair approximation of are you fucking kidding me right now.]

[twinsanity]

[...oh, that reaction is promising.]

Are those things even yours?!

text;

[bertall]

I don't know what's going on with them either but please don't do anything stupid.

text;

[twinsanity]

As though I would?

[So says the guy who died by jumping off a porch, and who spent part of this afternoon pursued by bees.]

That involves more investment than I have in whatever stupid game they're playing.

text; oh my god I thought I tagged this good job self

[bertall]

Are you really asking me that?

_{[Alfred please.]}

I'm actually a little surprised that things haven't turned into a huge fight though... You'd think the "Hero Squad" _{[Alfred's words, not his!]} would've tried to do something already or something after those incidents... Or even the police, you know?

[twinsanity]

Well, from the sounds, the police are doing things, they're just terrible at doing them.

And come on, it's not as though I've done anything recently.

[bertall]

The keyword here being recently.

I think some of us could do a better job if the police are really that bad.

[twinsanity]

Judging by how effectively the Hero Squad is handling it? Apparently not.

[...Alfred, be nice.]

[text/private] and suddenly days later...

[ortion]

What's this about bees?

They had better not have gotten into the base.

[Hi he's been gone and has no idea of the context here, but he saw bees being mentioned so he's just assuming things.]

[text/private]

[twinsanity]

What is it with all of you?

Believe it or not, just because you people aren't constantly hovering over us doesn't mean that we have no idea what we're doing. I mean, the base hasn't blown up yet, has it?

[text/private]

[ortion]

Yet is the key word.

I have every right to be concerned when all of my work is in there. Nearly two years' worth of work, mind you. Perhaps I'll be more trusting of you all if everything is is in immaculate order when I return.

[text/private]

[twinsanity]

How many incidents have there been where it hasn't been at least in one piece? Between you and Caroline you'd think we'd need one of those "X Days Since The Last Apocalyptic Incident" counters.

[text/private]

[ortion]

Just over a year ago, due to the carelessness of one of our own, a Hydreigon got loose and went on a rampage of destruction in the base. Thankfully it didn't bring the entire base down, but it destroyed several projects and valuable pieces of equipment in the labs. That was a good enough reason to be much more cautious about things.

[Sorry Kato...]

[text/private]

[twinsanity]

[...this next text may take a moment to compose, because this is literally the only reaction he has to this information for quite some time.]

...So between people simply leaving their tremendous animals out unchecked to rampage around as they see fit, everyone injecting previously-untested magical-animal genes into people just to see what would happen, and the idea that we let people like Denzel Crocker anywhere near things like scalpels and lasers, I'm actually beginning to worry about the lot of you.