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_{[Alfred if only you knew.]}

I screwed up too and I've had people give me death threats since I was eleven, but they never realized it was my fault. Even my own comrades back in the military.

I'm sorry he hurt you though. Dads shouldn't do that to their kids.

[...wait, wait, you actually said something interesting just now. Let him ignore that last part (because there are entirely too many feelings wrapped up in it and feelings are difficult) and focus on the interesting thing.]

What did you do, accidentally give out state secrets or something?

I don't really want to go into detail about it, but I hurt a lot of people.

What's the worst thing you can imagine someone that age doing?

_{[Besides turning their father into a big mutated thing!]}

Age doesn't really matter. Not in my experience, anyway.

But very well. Human experimentation. Injecting people with viruses, just to see what will happen. Killing many of them in the process and not caring.

How many people?

[There's a good long pause before he answers.]

If you think that whatever you say is going to make me abandon you or try to kill you, you're underestimating me. I'll do nothing of the sort.

How many of them did you kill?

Okay.

_{[He needs to take a breather himself. This is the first time he's actually talked about that, but...

What's the worst that could happen? Death isn't permanent here, so even if he did die it wouldn't last.]}

Over a quarter of a million.

[...Jesus shit, child, that is...somewhere between kind of intimidating and impressive.

Oddly enough, though, he doesn't think Bert is fucking with him; if he were fucking with him, he would have picked a far smaller number. So either he's genuine or he's the worst liar on the planet, and Alfred's not sure why he'd put himself in the running for the latter now.]

And dare I ask how you did that? You said there aren't any bombs where you came from, right?

Edited (comma splicing everywhere) 2014-02-04 01:35 (UTC)

_{[And suddenly human experimentation doesn't sound too bad!

He has his response typed up already, but he's not sure if he should send it or not. He told him this much already and he hasn't said anything against it, but Bertholt was still apprehensive about the whole thing.

Fuck it.]}

Did I ever tell you about the Colossal Titan?

You mentioned the Titans as a whole, but no specific ones. And I'd remember if you'd mentioned it, the name on that one's a little redundant.

[what the fuck, boy, do you keep one as a pet or something]

I didn't pick the name, that's just what people called it.

_{[Watch out, here comes big big!]}

About five years ago a Titan that was sixty meters tall appeared out of nowhere outside of the walls that keep humanity safe. It kicked a hole in the wall and they started flooding into the city, but the Colossal one just vanished after it broke it down. Most of them don't have any intelligence and they just eat people for the sake of killing them, but that one didn't have any interest in humans.

_{[sort........ of.....]}

Edited (oops) 2014-02-04 02:01 (UTC)

Sixty metres...??

[good fucking lord are you some sort of beastmaster or]

And why are you telling me this?

You wanted to know how I managed to kill that many people.

_[or.]

I'm taking a chance and trusting you with this.

[...Bert, he isn't some sort of clairvoyant, he's going to take a moment to catch up.]

So you caused this. Somehow.

_{[It's hard for him to talk about :c]}

Because|

_{[Give him a minute here, this is the part he was afraid of.]}

because im the one who kicked the wall.

[...As he'd thought, in some ways. Not necessarily that Bertholt was one of these...Titan things, but since he'd heard about them the running suspicion Alfred has been operating under is that they were humans of some sort. Either due to some sort of controlled mutation that would allow shifting forms - the Veronica virus, if Alexia is correct (and she's always correct) is supposed to allow that, isn't it? Or perhaps an uncontrolled one that got out of hand; maybe they were all like Nosferatu. It was difficult to tell, really.

Either way, he isn't really judgmental about it; just...thinking.]

The company I own part of is responsible for the creation of bio-organic weaponry, as I said. There was an outbreak that's wiped out a good amount of humanity; it basically rendered them animated corpses. Zombies, really.

I told you that I worked for a military training facility and a maximum-security prison; what I didn't tell you was that I would run "games" once in a while. When I was bored, or when my sister wanted to. I would put people in a maze I'd built and let some of those mutated creatures I've told you about loose inside, and I would see how long it took them to die. I called it the Kill Room; I'd usually use the prisoners, because I figured no one would miss them.

The human experimentation I told you about earlier was something my sister and I were doing by the time we were nine years old. By the time we were ten, we found out some things that our father had lied to us about; we injected him with a virus as "punishment." It was my sister's idea; I mostly stood guard while she did it. He's currently locked up in the lower levels of my laboratories back home.

My office is directly over the room he's locked up in; I can hear him screaming and hitting the back of his head against the wall sometimes. I don't do anything to discourage it, and I've never tried to change locations. I guess it's because I don't want to forget.

I'm not going to ask you for your reasons because it's none of my business, and I'm not telling you this because I want to get into some sort of competition about who's more awful between us. It's mostly because you're trusting me with your secrets, so you might as well have some of mine; it doesn't feel fair, otherwise.

_{[That... went better than he thought it would. Is it a terrible thing to know? Yes, but Bertholt understands where he's coming from. He's not sure who else could understand (aside from Alfred's own sister of course). And yet despite everything he's reading, his opinion doesn't change.]}

As horrible as that all sounds, I'm not judging you. It's not really my place to begin with considering I just told you what I did. To be honest, I actually...

I respect you more than I did before. I really, really do. For anyone to do that for so long, it's amazing that you're still you. I'm kind of curious about one thing though;

Do you ever regret it?

I don't really have much to say about the outbreaks, as those were always so far away from me and my jurisdiction that I couldn't possibly be held responsible anyway.

I don't really feel sorry about the games; they were all prisoners who were never going to get off the island alive. They were just going to die anyway; if anything I kept them from being locked up on that godforsaken rock longer than necessary, and I wasn't wasting resources on them.

What happened to my father, though...

[Hmmm.]

I don't know. I'm not exactly sorry for doing it, but I don't like that it came to that, and if it could have been done another way I would have preferred that. I don't know how to describe it very well - I feel that he deserved it, but I don't like it.

I'd rather be put out of my misery if I was stuck in prison for the rest of my life too, but I don't think I'd want to go out like that. It sounds like it'd be painful but that probably depends on what kind of monsters you put in with them I think.

_{[It'd still be better than being tortured and experimented on, assuming he wasn't killed outright.]}

He's your dad though so I think it's natural to not like it. You and your sister are strong people for being able to handle all of it.

It's...complicated, I suppose.

What about you - from the sound of it, you regret what you did...?

It's okay.

Yeah. I'll always regret it.

Is that why you decided to be a soldier?

Yes and no. We had a mission to infiltrate humanity and find something, but I really did enjoy the time I spent as a soldier.

Did you ever find it?

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