005. [Text]

[twinsanity]

[You know, this is really the sort of thing that most would want to leave anonymous...but since Alfred has surveyed the available fucks he has to give and found them numbering entirely too many, he seems to have thrown them out in the window in favor of just being an abrasive idiot because he is the pride of the Ashford family like that.]

Well, since you all like text, I thought I would join you all because I was starting to feel a little left out. And we certainly can't have that, now, can we?

So we've had people trying to get the resident Hero Squad moving, people trying to poke the resident Villain Squad into doing...something and somesuch, I really have no idea what's going on there...

Do any of you people actually do things, or do you just kind of poke at each other? Some explosions here, shameless grandstanding there, assaulting a theatre and tying up women over there (though that last one isn't so much a crime as it is too much information about you people, I think)...

Are you going to actually get some sort of full-scale battling going on, or are you content to just tap at each other a bit? Really, at this rate I propose the formation of the Disinterested But Somewhat Amused Third Party in the name of messing with you both.

[...ALFRED...]

Comments

[twinsanity]

Wh - ...yes...

[YOU ARE SUCH A TOOL]

Of course it did - I raise the stupid insects this place gives us, I know what's going to work and what won't.

[twinsanity]

[dear god

this entire adventure has been so painfully stupid

so painfully stupid

of course he has two that he could contribute to the burnination over there, but he's entirely too important for that, so. he'll just be...sort of staring down your passenger over there (who is not really doing much outside of listlessly staring back, so apparently he doesn't mind)]

...What in the world were you people even doing?

[twinsanity]

Well, from the sounds, the police are doing things, they're just terrible at doing them.

And come on, it's not as though I've done anything recently.

[nostabbing]

We were appreciating the sky.

[Like any normal, reasonable people would be doing on a beautiful day like today, asshole.]

Or we were, until Sneezy accidentally jolted the nest. Then we were running.

[twinsanity]

You were appreciating the...

[...just. let him take another look at your little friend there - nope, still dead behind the eyes. Well then.]

...He doesn't look like he's appreciating much of anything. What happened?

[nostabbing]

None of your business.

[And he better not make a single even vaguely negative expression anywhere near the aforementioned friend's general direction or there will be blood.]

And you don't get to tell him how he can or can't appreciate something.

[bertall]

The keyword here being recently.

I think some of us could do a better job if the police are really that bad.

[twinsanity]

I'm not telling him anything, now am I?

[...wait, wait. Now that you are no longer running like hell, he can actually get a good look at you and...dear lord.]

...You're the one who was asking if the world was ending. I'm assuming this is the comatose friend?

[twinsanity]

Judging by how effectively the Hero Squad is handling it? Apparently not.

[...Alfred, be nice.]

[nostabbing]

...You're Morbid Curiosity Guy.

[It's the British...ocity that gives him away, assuredly.]

This is my brother.

[twinsanity]

[.......]

...I hate to break it to you, but if that's the case, somebody's parents are lying.

[nostabbing]

[...Okay, well. Given that she actually doesn't catch what he's getting at there, she's just going to kind of reach down to locate Eeveemaru and sort of deposit him near his namesake so they can take care of each other while she squares off with this guy. Because apparently this is a thing that's happening now.]

That is the case. I'm adopted.

[...Sort of. Technically.]

[bertall]

Yeah... Honestly I think we could do better but I don't really want to get tangled up in a mess like that.

_{[Knowing their track record, they'd just make things worse.]}

[twinsanity]

[...um...Bert...surely you aren't suggesting...]

...Define "we."

[bertall]

I uh

_{[...YOU KNOW LET'S NOT EVEN GO THERE that was dumb]}

Nevermind!

[twinsanity]

...Did you really just suggest that you and I should go out and fight crime?

[oh my god]

[twinsanity]

Well, I should say so. Really, you look more like my sister than his.

[...no really you actually kind of do]

[bertall]

You're the one who mentioned a third party. It'd be|

It'd be something to do?

[twinsanity]

Well, I suppose that's a fair point, isn't it.

[Alfred, no, don't get this poor kid's hopes up.]

Where are you, anyway?

[bertall]

It is?

_{[Dash his dreams in his lost childhood, Alfred. Do it.]}

I'm still in Violet City.

[twinsanity]

Sort of? I don't know.

And goodness, boy, at this rate I'm tempted to go after you myself - what's so fascinating over there?

[bertall]

There's a tower that... wobbles? I don't know, but I've been thinking about trying the gym here.

[twinsanity]

Have you, now? I've never done any of them myself; I'm not terribly interested.

Do let me know how it goes.

[bertall]

What are you interested in?

_{[Besides playing with things that kill people and all that.]}

[twinsanity]

...I'm still working that out.