007. [Anonymous Text / Action for Goldenrod City]

[twinsanity]

[Anonymous Text]

[The text that hits the device tonight is the sort that obviously comes from some sort of hacked ID - it's poorly done, but at the same time well-done enough that you're just going to get a lot of static and glitching if you're going to try to work out who it is. More of an obviously anon setting than a device that's pretending to belong to someone else, basically.]

Tell me about recurring dreams you've had.

Not necessarily nightmares, though I suppose those are fine. Just those dreams you've had over and over again, the ones your mind keeps coming back to.

If you're expecting psychoanalysis you won't get it, since I'm not being paid nearly well enough to do that for the lot of you and I've no interest in it besides. I'm just interested in talking and hoping you'll say something interesting.

[...okay then.]



[Action - Goldenrod City]

[Well, abrasive texts or not, Alfred can actually be found outside today; it's warm today (even if his internal clock is still yelling at him that it shouldn't be, and he is never going to get used to the damn weather in this hemisphere) and he's taking the opportunity to spend time in the park, watching his Pokémon...play? Are they playing? It looks like they might be; it's either that or it's a level one slapfight that's more ineffectual than anything, between a Sewaddle and what looks to be a male Combee.

After a bit of watching it'll become clear that this is, in fact, a slapfight, and one that the poor Sewaddle is not going to be winning; it keeps getting a shot of Gust in the face and unfortunately Tackle isn't landing too well right now, due to the abovementioned...well, Gusting to the face, and after a few rounds of this the Sewaddle is basically ending up spending more time kind of lying on the ground in a universally understood gesture of "I have run out of fucks to give" rather than actually fighting.

Alfred, unfortunately, seems to be taking no pity whatsoever on the poor damn thing - he's sitting on one of the benches nearby, leaning idly over his legs where they're crossed at the knee, chin propped in his hand while he watches; he's also got at least one bug he's not particularly interested in deathmatching, if the ever-present Joltik on his shoulder is any indication. As it is, said Joltik apparently gives no fucks about what's going on and Alfred himself just sort of rolls his eyes when the Sewaddle flops over, reaching out for the bag he's got with him and spraying it in the face with a Potion.]

Oh, no, you don't. Get back in there.

[Alfred, that thing is going to hate you before it even reaches level 5, what are you doing.]

Comments

[twinsanity]

Most of my recurring ones are abstract. If I think about them long enough, I can usually make out what they mean, but I don't like thinking about them for any period of time.

[francia]

Ah, yes, the abstract. It's fascinating but often deeply disconcerting; it takes a certain fortitude to sit down and work out what it really means, and sometimes you're left knowing even less than when you started. I enjoy it in art and philosophy, but it's hard when it's so close to home.

[twinsanity]

Mine are about two people - someone I'm supposed to protect at all costs, and someone who was supposed to be there for both of us and used us instead.

I've been missing that first person a lot lately; it's strange to not have them around. They've always been there, back home.

[francia]

[Oh, man, France feels for Alfred.]

The people we need to protect are always the hardest to be apart from in this place. We focus so much energy on them they become integral to our existence, and to be apart from them: it's like missing a limb. Do you ever get this feeling that if you turn around they'll be right there, and you can talk to them? It's like you carry their imprint with you.

[twinsanity]

[Did you mean: his entire existence, tbh.]

Yes, that's it exactly - even when I've known that they can't possibly be there, they're still very much a presence. I've never really been apart from them, even when they're thousands of miles away; it's difficult to explain, but it's how it's always been.

It's like that for you as well?

[francia]

[It's actually really good that Alfred can't see France's face right now; he's not very good at disguising his distress around this particular topic.]

Yes, although it's not just one person. When I came here, it was the first time I'd ever really been alone. I wasn't alone in that I didn't know anyone else who was here at the time, but I'm a creature that has always had people to take care of and to live for who defined me and the nature of my existence. To suddenly have them all go silent, to be alone for the first time like that: I thought I had died.

[twinsanity]

...It's like that sometimes for me as well, back home. Not on the same scale, of course, because it's not multiple people, but...sometimes that connection I have to that person I'm supposed to protect falls apart, and I can feel the fact that they're gone, and it's...terrifying, if I'm going to be honest. It's like nothing is real anymore, because what's making things real has suddenly...stopped, or disappeared.

I've actually never spoken to anyone else who understands this.

[francia]

It is terrifying, and you describe how it's like perfectly. There isn't really another way to describe it. I would also describe it like there's this hole inside of yourself and when you go to look at it, it doesn't even do you the courtesy of staring back. It's just empty, endlessly so, and you can still feel the edges where the person or people that used to fill it would slot right back in, but just the edges, like your own mind is teasing you.

I've stopped trying to bring this up myself, even with those from my world who are like me. In some ways, it's harder for me to talk to those who are from my world about this; we all have too much bad blood between us. It's not an easy nor a pleasant topic to broach and even harder to discuss.

[twinsanity]

It's not a common thing where I'm from, so it's not like I can discuss it with anyone. Even the ones who try to bring it up to me really have no idea what it's actually like - they just try to talk to me about my own experiences like they would know better than I would.

[francia]

In my world, there are two types of existences: there are humans and there are nations. I'm a nation, the Republic of France. We are born out of humans and we reflect them, but we are also our own existences that aren't sharply defined by any singular person. Thus, I've think that each of us nations experience those who created us differently and our relationships with our citizens will differ accordingly, but I wasn't always the way that I am now as history will reflect.

As nations, we all have different experiences that will never be fully understood by others let alone our own people; we're limited even in our understanding of ourselves. As an individual (for I cannot say person in good faith because I'm not a person), I know that I have massively different experiences than some of my fellows and there are things I should not judge or think to know better. I can only know myself, and even that will not be truly complete.

[twinsanity]

[...oh, god. No wonder you understand all of this, you're crazier than he is.

However, since you are the one individual here who's actually understood this and not assumed he was completely bugfuck insane and in need of some serious psychiatric help, he'll just roll with it for now.]

So I'm assuming it's this lack of connection with your...citizens, then, that causes the schism.

I'm not going to claim to be a country or anything; I'm just a person, though my creation wasn't really normal either.